My Me To Moment / # Why I did Not Report

Yes, a combat experienced Marine, a Survived of Close Encounter Combat both my reality's, yet less then an year out of the hospital form wounds I to was raped, then I buried the event for years.  

I will make this as brief as I can, I am writing a book of raw history in the first person, two years ago I told brief details to family members because I didn't want to shock them 48 years later. In writing this I do use words of that time, my thinking at that time.

I left the military hospital after a year as when my wounds healed up, then I was medically retired as a Marine, spent a year + working and searching when I decied to return to Vietnam. I took military space avalable seat to Hawaii, stopping their because the military had canceled those seats on to Asia due to the Tet offensive of 1968, I held up to wait in Hawaii. Work in Hawaii came easy doing hot tar roofing, cheap housing was at the YMCA near Waikiki, things were going well. I took the opportunity to go bar hopping on weekends, drink was in-fact therapeutic for me, it enhancing my openness, friendliness and the ability to relaxed and to think clearer the next day. 

At a bar someone purchased a drink for me, on drinking it suddenly I became like a rag doll, totally helpless, still silently mobil, my memory became very foggy, however later aware that I was being raped by a man. Waking up in a cheap hotel room alone, my ID cards and money was still their. The feeling of being filthy, feelings I didn't understand, aware today it’s called being violated, I felt overwhelmed, me unable to process it really, I was simply decussated and angry. I shower to remove the stench, nothing cooled my emotions or anger, most witch was directed at myself. On returning to my room at the YMCA it still went on. I did pray, read my bible, cursed, but in the end, the comfort came only with one thought. (I would kill the bastard), this brought relief, it also brought more crying, praying and reading my bible. In the end comfort came in that thought, I could / I would kill the bastard that had done this to me. 

So I planned out the perfect murder, created a cover story, pretending to being sick the night before I had picked, called the pastor at the church I went to, made plans as cover for church and bible study on the coming Sunday. Purchased flip-flops to wear so no one would notice my 2 inch build-up on my show used for my short left leg, purchased a gun off Hotel Street, the ruff area of Honolulu. I went to work, but told no one, a week later on Saturday nite I went out the window of the YMCA with my 38 stub-nose revolver with a few shells to kill.

Only while walking to the area of the bar did it dawn on me his face was not clear to me, his sent still a strong memory but his face was not. I convince myself I would remember him when I saw him. At the bar I sat outside, emotions ran strong, I attempted to change course. I went into the bar, search the tables, the bar area, went to the bathroom, left because I simply could not find the man in my cloudy memory. 

Out side again I sat across the street again stressed out, two men came out or by, they were holding hands and obviously were gay. I thought to myself the bastard that had raped me had to be gay, my knowledge and background was anyone that would raped another man had to be gay. I thought to myself, I'll just kill these two gay bastards !

As suddend as that thought cross my mind, another thought came also. (I had killed before, Yes). But I had never killed in anger with hatred, in war I had seen many things, more then once in that period I had did things attempting to help, to protect innocents. Now I was contenplating to kill innocents, this overwhelmed me, my mind ask Why ?

A life time of values and experiences filled my head, one realization came to me and that was my salvation, my main survival tool was that I had never lost it in combat. (I had never hesitated and I had never overreacted, went over the edge). This was the key to my recovery. I had never allowed pure hate or revenge to rule me. In fact it was in war my awareness of everything became so real, it had in fact made made me question things, made me more human. Yes, verses in the bible, vengeance is mind saith the lord, many verses were also easy to recall, after all my background was a Lutheran farm boy that had become a marine, many things and my reality all came together. 

At some point I walked away, coming to the Ala Wai canal that wrapped behind Waikiki, at the time not so built up, their were areas of weeds along the side. I went into one the high weed areas, sat and thought, slowly getting a hold of my emotions. I removed the bullets from the gun, throw them into the water, then the gun, throwing it as far as I could. Deep lesson in life filled my mind, like who I was and would be seem to burn into me. I thought about why was I on my way back to Vietnam, how I would move forward, many things seem to settling into my thinking, my understanding of myself and others were force feed into my thinking with a dose of reality, as had happen before truths settling into me, using the best logic I could muster, very late I return to the YMCA. 

On purpose or sub-conciiously I buried the whole experience deep inside, not just the event but the hate also, the self center concept, the humiliation, the pride and replaced it with a commitment to learn and understand. I was 100% commitmented to go on living life, to allow nothing to defeat me, including myself. Of course life has a way of giving us blessings and challenges, with-in two years my best friend at the time was also my boss at a large company in Okinawa, Japan. A  guy I was always attempting to hook up with a nice girl, then he told me, (Richard damit, stop it, your my friend, you don't know it but I'm Gay). In life their is no flash of light, no remarkable protective cloud to protect you when you simply go forward in life openly, only your mind, your personality, your values, no it's in your action at work and pleasure, in hardship and your joy, you simply face challeges and excepting rewards that come, but how you live your life out is by the chooses you make day after day.  

The thought of reporting this illegal rape to any authorities or friends, it simply was never considered. Yes, I admit there were other things in my life to deal with, being rape was for me unbelievable and so wrong in my mind. Because of that I had allowed myself to sink into hate and revenge. Was it pride, was it my fault or was it just a nasty-evel man,  it discussed me. I dug deep into my mind, my emotions, my belief system, every aspect of my being and decided I would once again just go forward and live my life and strive to know about myself and others. 

This week Bill Crosby was sentenced to jail for years of crimes agains others, on every TV the issue of sexual assaults is being talked about, all has not been lost on me. The truth is when I read the accounts of Crosby's accusers over the years, story after story of women who drank one glass of wine and turned into rag dolls with no ability to resist anything, of spotted memories. There stories were so much like what had happen to me, the truth these accounts comforted me in a strange way. To wait years to tell anyone also understood by me. Yes, thier is a part of me that felt happy to see this washed up, nasty old man going off to jail, justice has a sweetness about it. Naturally I was think I shouldn't feel happy, however he shows no sense of remorse, he showed no humanity, no sense of regret for the pain and damage he has inflicted on others. Yes, Justice has a sweetness about it.

It's sad, Yes the reality is in our world thier our many uncaring people, men have always been number one with-in our human history, often some men it seems showed little to no sense of empathy toward others, some men carry this ugly concept of women as less, as if they themselves never had a mother that carried them to birth and then cared for them. However the reality is it's part of our history, became the concept of most all belief systems, man is first and women less to serve then in many ways.

I have to add 3-things to be truthful. 

1: There is personally no reward for me to share this so publicly. I long ago came to peace with both ugly sides of this event I'm shareing with many because it will be in my book, it’s was part of my fate in life. Also just maybe it might be helpful to someone else thats been abused and suffered at the hands of others. 

2: I consider myself a very peaceful person, however when I see in-justice, outright harm inflicked on others by anyone, part of my very being wants to fight against it. Today it’s obvious to me, this issue of assault’s on others in many forms is a serious problem, women and everyone must fight in many ways to overcome and change the thinking and culture as Americans, in my mind as humans beings. It’s not just whats happing in American, we live in a new age where what you our see and read today is seen and heard everywhere in the world, times our change rapidly, it’s about time for the human race to move forward on this very important issue.  

3:  # Why I did not repot.  To event ask the qustgen (why) to me shows a lack of empathy toward others, a lack of compassion, a lack of respect and a level of ignorance to reality in the year 2018, we our at a different point in history. Yes, my reasons to not report was wrapped up in pride, a belief system, allowing myself to concentrated only on myself. The victims of all assaults, rape and abuse have their own reasons to not report, their level of tolorence, their own burdens, personalities and the fact no one wants to hear or believe them. We do all share one thing, what ever the reason, it's seem easyer and our human in-stink is to bury it deep inside. Women in particular have a bigger problem, that problem is in human history, in most cultures and belief system is a fact, the systems were set up and works against them as a women. My life today is built around reality and logic, I except the fact I’m simply a human being, my life today is dedicated to attempt to leave this world better then I found it. My logic tells me to make the world better, women must take their place as equal humans beings, of course logic tells us it has to be with-in their particular place in life, in this world with-in their social system in our world, however as equal human beings to men on all levels of law and social norms.   

Richard L Iverson

Remember Happiness is Oh so simple, that a grateful heart is the beginning of wisdom, that Effort is essential for anything worthwhile in life 

vidanusa@mac.com

   

   

   

   

     

My Personal Overview of Reality

This is page one of my web-site, vidanusa.com , writen maybe 6-7 years ago, to me makes more sense today. Un-changed because technology has changed, me with out the skills or time to learn them. This my guide post in life and in writing my book today, along with what I observed in life !

Vi-Dan USA      (For the People)                                         

Established to share our Thoughts - Reflections - Knowledge - Wisdom and experience gained in living our lives. A series of publications to promote understanding between people, to help each other to face and solve real problems. To promote good will and encourage all to think deeper about their lives and our world . 

Author: Richard L Iverson. 

This picture of our blue planet is a great way to look at our world, helps to understand that we are all but one human race, each a unique individual, but one humanity. We all share the same right to be here, to enjoy and live by the fruits of the earth. Through out human history efforts have been made to keep us so afraid of the other, to fear and then to hate others, a learned emotion for humans. This is our human history and reality ! 

The long road of human evolution / development has changed our morality, awareness and thinking toward each other. The technological advancement gains over time creates change, the devices we use in our daily lives today. It's the micro revolution, the information age, we our connecting in communities and the world over. To my logic this means the future is very positive, we simple have to in-brace the change. 

Change is a fact of all life, what was before will not be in

the future. Today we understand knowledge dose in-fact 

multiple, that education with tolerance is essential. 

To me this picture is a fair and logical thought: 

THIS IS HOW ANYONES GOD SEES OUR WORLD !

The point many are missing, all bases of power will be challenge or changed by the fact that the power is shift toward the masses of people everywhere, that the people will have a seat at the table. The real challenge for those in positions of power with plenty will be to understand equality, when is enough - enough. More important what is the point ! On the side of the masses of people it will be how to create change using the rule of law and order to created the rules, policies, and laws we will move forward under.

Equality for all dose not match our human spirit. However In-Equality has always been man-kinds downfall, certainly the ability to have the opportunity to learn & participate (education), the right of all people for the basics of food, shelter, medical care of our time. If we can't provide that, it has to always be the goal of humanity. This is to me what it means to be human ! This depends on what priorities we as individual people demand. Our we today at that point on human evolution and development ?

I believe today, if we look, we can see that in our world their are limits, we have to share our world with all living things and people. On a personal level for people it will mean dose more and bigger bring what all have long desire, the ability to provide for their family, share love, to have good health, a meaningful productive life and to know joy / happiness, to me it is that simple. 

I believe life has seasons, in each we live out our lives according to each with our abilities and awareness. If we reach maturity I do believe for a content and meaningful end of life season, that is found in giving back to our world, sharing with others, time or money. This effort to leave this world just a little better then we found it, the rewards our great, is part of being a human being. To be responsible to our home the earth, to have human kindness for others, sharing and helping one another is powerful, sometimes called human LOVE ! 

My Hope: That you will enjoy this web-site, the photos, book reviews, and my blog, of course that you will purchase my books. 

My 1st book is about our health, diet, exercise. "This Works for Me" The little book that can change your life. By use the information in it I changed my body, health, able to feel great with high energy yet today to live out my life.

Please go to the page. "This Works for Me".

After eight years of effort coming in the 1st quart 2016, the memories of my life, "Vi-Dan USA". A Vietnamese word witch means "For the People", it will tell the unvarnished history of one life lived, unknown history and the meaning of it today. It dose reflex on the times and events lived, telling the story of my time on this earth. To be open and honest is important in living out life, also when looking at ourself's, our history, this is how we advance as a people. (visit the photo page fore a peak at that life, things it will tell).

Thank You Very Much.                                                        

Richard L Iverson    e-mail at vidanusa@mac.com 

Happiness is oh so simple, a grateful heart is the beginning of wisdom, that Effort is essential for anything worthwhile in life.

(Have a nice day)

This is Why I Write !

This week our nation Honored the passing of John McCain, it was fitting and in line with what all nations do for leaders that forwarded the spirit and goals of their nation. This man has did that for a life time, in life & death exhibit the best of our nation and it’s institutions. 

It also showed the true contrast witch we all should see it for what it is, and the reactions to the passing of John McCain. I’ve on purpose keep contact with a wide verity of people with totally different concept then mind. They having their own feelings on so many things, I hope people don’t miss the meaning of this passing of a Great man, a great representative of our nation's politic's and military, our establishment, flaws and all but very fitting and good. 

McCain was one part of our great experiment called democracy, he came from a family of Admirals, the establishment so to speak, but as I have try to explain as a people, as human beings it’s best that humanity uses the rules and laws in place to face the future. vidanaus.com page one. 

People in the USA and world wide our in this period of change unlike at any time in modern history, change based on reality of demographics, and because of technology and general knowledge now in the hands of the masses. Change is coming on the most basic aspect of the systems that our world was built on. On watching this week of Honoring an American hero somethings were clear to me and many will be surprised what I saw, not mentioned or missed in this event and deflection point of our national history. 

From right to left wing news outlets, many showed the prison, (Hanoi Hilton). The average American thinking it was built to house the prisoners witch goes to the heart of the point, our democracy and our involvement in Vietnam. The Hanoi Hilton was built by the French to keep a hold on their 100+ years of colonial rule. Today it’s a museum, less then 5% of the museum is dedicated to the American war ( what Vietnam calls the 10 years war with the USA), rather the museum is about the 100 + year of Colonization of Vietnam and the resistance. The flat stone surfaces with metal leggings, the small cells with chains and metal devices to hang or put prisoners in extreme position to punish were shown but my point is that it was design by the French, built by Vietnamese labor and used to punish any resistants to the control of the Vietnam people by a colonial power for years. 

Also not shown was the guillotine sitting in a particular setting, the large metal plate like knife with an angle shape used to behead nationals when punishment was done or thought not enough to change peoples thinking about freedom and the meaning behind colonialism. First a women's comments. 

On my own personal visit to the Hanoi Hilton in 2009 at the age of 62, much older and wiser, this at the time when I started to write my book, I saw all, the most striking thing I saw was a statement made by a women, an occupant of the prison. made to the colonial court in 1931 (I’m determan to accept any action that our assigned to me. I’m not the one who founded communism ! Communism was created by the circumstance or the oppression of the capitalist in this world that harms the interest of the workers and peasants). Of course a few countries still call themselves communists but the reality is it’s a proven failure, like all ism’s. Humans have search for and used several systems to evolve. Today it’s capitalism that proven to work best, (not new), however if not controlled becomes a system thats not friendly to democratic norms and good for the masses of people. 

I have contemplated my own book about a rather unsural life, so wrapped up in many of same things as John McCain's, going to war 52 years ago. I and McCain ended up effected by it, this changed us because of the experience. I’ve know many from that experience, me from the enlisted grouping, a son of farmers, many like me were simply called to duty by the draft or patriotic feelings but we all served in the same cause, each handles that experience in their own way, I was simply lucky and found my way by living, by searching and finding the reality in life. We all share certain history, some have different view points witch is so normal, so right being from a free country. 

My point is that their were 100’s of thousands / millions of men in this war, the Vietnamese and their allies, our nation and our allies all also served in this crazy war. Most the regular men that saw and experience to much war, inhumanity to follow humans, killed and were hurt for ever. Most of these men / women of all nations have already died, often without a so glorious life or send off ! Their our only a few chooses for men of battle when war is over, when peace comes. For me it was the radical concept of asking why, for many it was to wrap their lives in the flag, others there into their belief system, other simply become lost in a world moving forward so fast. 

These types of experience continual to this day in our war’s of choose ! For me in the end, it turned out ask the question, why, to except fact's based on the reality of accumulated knowledge, on science, on technology, on history, and on human principles. The worrier that gradated me from 15 feet below me, then charged me in plain sight to shoot at point blank into my heart, missing because I desperately turn for my rifle, shooting me through the side. He gave his life because a Marine 30 feet above us shot him with a more powerful M-14. The important point is he was 10 / 20 / at the most 300 miles form his home village or farm overland, across the mountains and valleys. I was 12,000 miles from home across our largest ocean, their to fight and kill for someone else’s thinking, me with my limited knowledge, understanding and powerful concepts. 

This is a fact ! Today we our still locked into this pattern of national thinking, Frankly I choose to become more human, excepting of reality. My logic tells me after watching this last week, tho so normal for a great nation and fitting for it’s people, it’s simply not enough to meet the future as Americans or for humanity as we move forward at this period of history. So much has changed, so much will change regardless if we our ready or not, the accumulation of knowledge and technology because of our evolution as human beings. Yes, we our still shackled by different parts of our of our human nature, basic in-sticks of self first. Yes, we must keep alive this remarkable experience called democratic representative government, it is to me and others (The light on the hill, the best hope for humanity), it has proven to give the masses of people there best hope for freedom, conditions to grow and a opportunity for a better life.                      

The point is the world is changing fast and will, the really big issues, well their still the same issues that has always pledged humans. Big issues our not settled, history of course is written by the winner, the reality is colonialism was in no way, never was and never did match democratic principles. Capitalism is a economic system and proven to work best so far but must be controlled. If not it takes over, it’s the nature of capitalism and is like all ism’s in that position and becomes dangerous to democracy. Why I wrote page one as a overview of my thinking, written several years ago. It’s this continual move to create a more democratic nation and world that's my hope, I see this as the best way to prevent yet another version of power to emerge from this struggle with-in mankind.

Today event larger issues our smoldering in the background because of the fast forward of this period of history, this knowledge and awareness is being force on humans reality, based on technology & science with facts, this change coming and hear, it's in-fact normal. I call it reality, we will have to face and except reality, it’s part of our evolution as humans. History shows we built our world based on several systems and belief system, when we simply could not comprehend things, we simply created Gods and powers beyond and greater then us. In doing so we created the bases needed to progress as a species but like all human things it has to progress with the overall evolution of humanity. 

I very much agree with John McCain on so many of his values, on comprehending we our all but bit players in our national and human history, that living is it’s self, is the meaning of life, with me also opening saying every aspect of my life has been wonderful. The truth for me, with not better words, I was simply so dam lucky. 

I have nothing but Honor for John McCain, with no malice or disrespect for belief systems or the history of America, all history is or should be used to learn lessons. So this reason I push to tell my story because the challenges and facts our far deeper. I found other truths, truths beyond my widest imagination, these realities have been tested and evaluated by myself and thats all any human truly has, what he experience. John McCain represented the establishment and did it well, a far larger number of people that served and sacrificed in all wars come (yet today) from my background, most from the poorer families of all country. I’ve said it before, will say it again, both American and Vietnamese and others that served there nations in that war our already dead, dyeing way to young because they saw to much, suffered to great and once the war was over, the world had little help for them to live out their lives. They were the foot soldiers, from villages in Vietnam and small communities across our country and inter cities, from other nations. Their ability to get and have support when needed simply was not their. 

This is the history of war, wars that always end, life always goes forward. The point is John McCain never had to be concerned if he had money for rent, his next meal, if his car would break down, these our experiences also and very real. In Vietnam some efforts were made but way inadequate, so the foot solders simply suffered alone and died, this is the reality of all wars. This the point, some never seeing a war we should get into, with me understanding war is the most worn out tool of human history, always creating more problems then it solves, all war end so the enfaces has to be on self defense, on being oh so weary of all wars. Like all things under a democratic system, this also must be shared by all. 

Our people going to want to read and think about these things with serious thought, well some. Many today our comfortable, live in this free democracy, the opinion and feeling of many our very different. In democracy our thinking is form by our lives lived, we form governments based on our feelings and hopes, hopefully under the laws of men, set up by the people chosen to represent them. History shows us that humans always look for a savor to fix all, both in belief systems and in politic, humans have often backed strong men from brutal dictators, to kings, and politicians of all strips, simply out of fear or deeper resentments. So with reality hitting humanity directly in the face with natural changes based on our evolution on all fronts, it will be a challenging times ahead. 

This is the reason I believe in Democracy so much, a system of government that allows for the input and must also have the policies that helps the masses of people, the concept of equality under the law, of a fair slice of the pie so to speak in the wealth and riches of every nation, this I sense we must always be the goal, attempting to be meet. This is why I struggle to tell my story event it runs counter in a nation and world that lost in this concept of capitalism and me first. Equality between men is of course a dream, In-Equality has always been mankind's down fall. 

However today education, awareness and evolution has and dose go forward, what was impossible to contemplate a short time ago is excepted, our thinking, our understand, our compassion has reached new hight’s and lows, many of those who begot our many religious belief’s would be pleased by how far mankind has come. My only hope is that I might share my experiences and what I learned, how I learned to except reality. 

In other words the whole story of America needs to be shared spoken of, my story is more tied to the masses. The deep facts I found our also a fact, realities like the facts we our all simply human beings of one human race or species. We live on this singular fragile blue planet and event with our telescopes can find no other like our planet, at least not Yet. This reality in the formed by many things like science, based on knowledge and facts witch will increase, in-fact these multiplies, and Yes, by shear logic. It’s simply the reality of our period history of human beings and our continual evolution. 

It’s best in my opinion that humans use this accumulation of knowledge and understanding to face the reality of our times. I hope my story might in a small way help us as a nation and as human beings as time moves forward. It’s the only thing I have that I can share now, clinging to this concept of (Leaving this world a little bit better then I found it). 

  

Richard L Iverson

vidanusa.blogspot.com

Remember Happiness is Oh so simple, that a grateful heart is the beginning of wisdom, that Effort is essential for anything worthwhile in life !

vidanusa@mac.com